Family want to force neighbors to stop showering at midnight because they wake up at 5am: 'The walls are very thin'

Would you change your shower habits to appease a neighbor?

We all have our own hygiene habits, and we're entitled to them. If you're a night showerer, you're a night showerer. You probably feel pretty strongly about the fact that you want to go to bed squeaky clean. You're used to washing off the grime of the day after having lived it. Morning showers are a completely different feeling. Maybe you trade off based on when you exercise, but you don't want anyone else controlling when you do it. Especially your neighbor. The smallest disturbances in our lives, like this, can create large ripple effects. If you found something that works for you, then you deserve to stick to it. But life is all about compromise, and we have to work to adapt to others. 

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  • 01
    A young woman wraps a towel around her wet hair
    via Unsplash+ (Ramsés Cervantes)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    Am I in the wrong for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

    We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing. opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.
    via Additional-Mouse-620
  • 03
    We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix...) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven't invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.
    via Additional-Mouse-620
  • 04
    The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it's their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.
    via Additional-Mouse-620
  • 05
    We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn't bother us at all. The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.
    via Additional-Mouse-620
  • 06
    On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening. around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.
    via Additional-Mouse-620
  • 07
    Now I'm torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn't sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.
    via Additional-Mouse-620
  • 08
    On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it's not that loud... sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it's not incredibly loud. AITA for showering at night?
    via Additional-Mouse-620
  • 09
    A woman sits on a porch looking exhausted
    via Mick Kirchman

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10

    Commenters gave their two cents on the story.

    Trekunderthemoon YTA for caring that they rent vs own. Would you behave differently if they owned their home? If you would YTA.
    via Trekunderthemoon

  • But how far would you go to make life easier for your neighbor? Odds are, you want to keep the peace. It's a lot easier to be friends with your neighbor than it is to be enemies. You want harmony at home, and if you're walking on eggshells at your own place, then it's time to reevaluate. If you can't do what you need to do in your own home, barring insane noise disturbances, then you might want to think again. You would hate to end up in an unsustainable situation just because you were afraid to stick up for yourself. That's what was happening in this story, though, when a new neighbor had a pretty out-there request. It never hurts to ask for what you want, but you also have to be prepared not to get it. But that's easier said than done. The neighbor wasn't sure if they should compromise their way into a new showering routine or tell their neighbor just to put up with it. There are many ways to see this scenario, and none of them are easy to navigate. That's why the neighbor in question wanted some outside perspective on their problem. Keep scrolling for all the details of the story.

  • 11
    somuchsong YTA. I think you could compromise with your neighbours and shower a little earlier, even at 10 or 11. On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, Are you seriously suggesting they can just move because you don't want to shower earlier than midnight?
    via somuchsong
  • 12
    SummitJunkie7 The root of the problem isn't your hygiene schedule, it's that the walls are thin in a community living situation. They have had issues with this since before you moved in (otherwise they would've have known to bring it up) and if you moved out tomorrow, would have the same issue with the next residents.
    via SummitJunkie7
  • 13
    They can look into earplugs, white noise machine, adding sound proofing/dampening to that wall, moving the bed away from that wall... And they should if it's causing them a huge issue. But whether they'd like to try to address it or live with it is up to them. If you were throwing loud parties at midnight regularly that'd be
    via SummitJunkie7
  • 14
    different, but using your bathroom is a completely reasonable and predictable. use of your home, asking you not to isn't a viable solution.
    via SummitJunkie7
  • 15
    AstraVeeq NTA. You are allowed to use your bathroom whenever you want in a home you own. Showering is a basic necessity, not a late-night rave. If the building is so poorly insulated that running water wakes people up, that's a structural issue, not a "you" issue. They are renters and knew the
    via AstraVeeq
  • 16
    building's flaws too. You shouldn't have to feel like a prisoner in your own home or go to bed feeling "dirty" because of their 5 AM schedule
    via AstraVeeq
  • 17
    JackColquitt68 YTA solely for assuming you have greater entitlement to comfort/convenience on the basis of being an owner rather than a renter - they're just as entitled to peaceful enjoyment of their premises as you are. You know that the showers disturb them, and this bothers you enough to post about it. As you point out, you could change
    via JackColquitt68
  • 18
    the time you shower. If you don't want to change these times, as an owner, you're entitled to do more about this than your neighbour is in terms of modifications to your property, i.e., investigating whether you can add any soundproofing, use a different showerhead, etc.,
    via JackColquitt68
  • 19
    That said, on the spectrum of nuisances you could create, showers aren't that bad. There's a fair chance that they'll get used to it if this is a part of your routine. On the spectrum of who post here, it's a pretty minor one.
    via JackColquitt68
  • 20
    platypus_monster You come off as an entitled ah le with the assumption that because you own your place and they rent theirs, that your comfort superceeds theirs. You could take a shower earlier. It's one of the easiest
    via platypus_monster
  • 21
    solution to this problem. You said that you didn't think that it was all that loud when they showed you. Every noise is amplified during the night when everyone setttles down and it gets quiet. We have thick walls in our building and I can hear footsteps in the hallway during the night, or if someone drops something.
    via platypus_monster
  • 22
    YTA. Doesn't matter that during the day you are a quiet couple, that you don't make much noise, here it matters how loud you are when your neighbours try to sleep during the night. Just be a good neighbour and shower earlier.
    via platypus_monster
  • 23
    beththereader NTA. It's a shower. You are already going above and beyond to try not to disturb them, but asking you not to use the basic amenities in your own house is absolutely ridiculous.
    via beththereader
  • 24
    Gumby_Who It isn't unreasonable for them to ask. It also isn't unreasonable for you to be more flexible. Just because they rent doesn't make their comforts less important.
    via Gumby_Who
  • 25
    Also, suddenly hearing a whole shower routine in the middle of the night is louder when the rest of the complex is asleep, than when more people are up and about. Why do you need to go from
    via Gumby_Who
  • 26
    your shower immediately into bed? It's a preference, you're allowed those, but wouldn't you be a little miffed if you were mid sleep and you were jolted awake most nights? You being quiet the majority of the day doesn't mean you can be inconsiderate when it suits you. They are being polite and trying to let you know about an issue thats happening.
    via Gumby_Who
  • 27
    There should be some compromise. You live in a place where you have neighbors. You should both be working towards a solution. You can suggest a sound machine, for them or you (play it in your bathroom. at night maybe?). Then, if it doesn't work, try adjusting your shower schedule.
    via Gumby_Who
  • 28
    But for now, YTA OP for deciding you owning the apartment negates your need to find a solution that can work for you both.
    via Gumby_Who

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